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YOU

You lie awake at night,

Relentlessly, pondering upon the facts,

You think you are left, like the blades leave the tree when fall arrives,

Your existence covered by repulsiveness and emptiness,

You start pushing away everyone heartlessly, inconsiderately and thoughtlessly just like you were pushed away,

This is what you were taught,

You spend everyday, wondering and asking yourself, “Can anyone really love me?”

You count your flaws but don’t have any fingers left for strength,

You spend your nights gawking at the ceiling, repeating those poignant words in your head,

The pain, oh the unbearable pain you feel, suffocated as if thousand ants gnawed at you altogether,

You look for your existence, existence of your happiness if its really true for you,

You still can’t process, the promises, and the lies- they will be there, the lies, the lies, the lies!

You tell yourself everyday, “this too shall pass”- but when? and why are you in this alone?

You start to not believe in love anymore, maybe this is your best shot at healing,

But you soon realise how brutally you were goaded into the pit of agony, capacious as the sea- to suffer alone- between eternity and time nowhere to be found….

 

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Contentment

Is there a question that humans have always been in search of since their existence on this earth? Have we not been in aconstant pursuit – pursuit of success; pursuit of happiness; pursuit of completeness or as a recapitulation, pursuit of contentment?

Contentment is what we look for; contentment is perhaps what can give complete, whole and absolute meaning to life. 

It is not simple to define contentment; but I will still, out of my own ordinary experience and observation, like to venture a definition. For me, contentment is that phase in life that a person can put on a constant repetition of playback so that that person keeps living the same moments till the last breath. Contentment, if I may, is a protective shield that guards one from missing an overly glorified past or feeling unsatisfied with present in anticipation and excitement of future. Contentment – as opposed to our modern-day definition of growth and progress which are always analogized to constant movement ahead – is the art of drawing satisfaction from stillness. A feeling of perfection that all that is essential is achieved and obtained; that all needs are fulfilled; that realization of any other unnecessary desire – no matter how luxurious or fancy or big – as a substitution of current having will result in an imperfection. Contentment to me is perhaps what self-actualization was to Maslow – the highest level of being human and the best one too. 

You might now be wondering that I describe contentment as if I have tasted it. I write about contentment as if I have been there, as if I have stayed in its calmness, as if I have basked in its warmth, as if I have hummed along its tunes, as if I have felt the sweet coldness of its mist on my skin, as if I have breathed whole-heartedly in the mesmerizing fragrance of its gardens, asif I have tried to get flabbergasted by its ethereality. And before I move on cautiously, let me just for once refer back to the last word of the last sentence: “ethereality”. Contentment is ethereal – with all the hustle and bustle of this world consuming our life, this feeling is supernatural; out-of-this-world; truly magical; unreal; surreal; ethereal and all other prefixes you can put behind real to negate it. 

But now, what opens the gates to these lush-green, magical, astounding gardens of contentment? Is it a satisfied soul? Is it a state of mental calmness? Is it realization of carnal needs? Yes! Yes! And Yes! Three yeses for – to me – it is all three of them. Contentment is the state of having a healthy body that inhabits a calm mind and a satisfied soul. And contentment is the destination; and the journey to it is the constant struggle to identify the one true destination from the wrong ones and to avoid the lust of unnecessary desires while being true to the pursuit of those absolute needs of spirit, mind and body that once realized will hand over the true bliss of contentment.

From now onwards, what is being penned down is specific to me and my experiences. I am not even sure whether I have achieved contentment or not. I am not even sure whether I am even qualified to offer an advice or put down a roadmap to this treasure. I am just trying to make a humble effort to share my own experiences, my own state and my own observations from the time when I just wanted the life to come to a standstill. That was the time when I could relish the present, the time when no glorification of past or anticipation of future could tarnish my present, the time when the present was my presence, the time where I existed in present and present only – physically, mentally and spiritually. That was the time when I had “everything”: everything to make me content: I was adding value and realizing my potential; and finally and most importantly, a relationship of gratitude with Allah – the Lord of the Universe – with a sincere realization that He has rewarded me much and much more than what I deserved. Just like in Greek mythology as per which the five elements of air, water, earth, fire and spirit made up the whole universe, the aforementioned five elements made up my whole universe. They were the ingredients to my dessert of contentment. They were the colors to my masterpiece of contentment. They were the five rings to my Olympics of life – and I was only winning it over and over again.

Building on the Greek mythology theorem, those philosophers thought they have found the simplest elements which are essential to existence of this universe. And just as all beautiful theories, this theory was also simple. The simplicity of a theory is – to me – what gives its most the notion of truth. And hence went my theory of achieving contentment. To achieve contentment is to first identify those essential, simple, core elements through which you can build your whole universe and then to endeavor to achieve those elements. As long as you are able to sustain a balance in all those elements, you are able to sustain the feeling of contentment in life. It will be that duration when you will ask for nothing else; when nothing more will excite you; when you will be able to distinguish core from superficial; and all the deafening pace of life will be overshadowed by calmness; when your smile will carry an infectious sincerity; when you will feel complete; and you will never want to give any of your elements in exchange of all treasures of this universe.

And for me, the phase of life perfected by those five elements was the time when nothing could make me happier – for I was at the peak of happiness. I was at contentment. I had a flag with my name on that peak and it was wavering strong in the cold winds!

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Let Your Soul Take A Surf

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It’s dark because you are trying too hard. 

Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.   

— Aldous Huxley

From childhood our brains are wired in to take things seriously. Sometimes this awful combination of seriousness and letting thoughts subdue your ship, sinks it. When my brain needs rest I let cats take the lead. Seeing them curl up in their favourite spot in the blazing yet soothing rays of sun and letting the wind brush their fur as they relish this piquant combination of weather reminds me of prioritising what’s important to me and set goals accordingly. For cats goals are clear; eating, sleeping, scratching and sleeping more. Goals are the combination of our intentions that help us focus our thoughts as stepping stones shape our reality and prepare for the future.

Now the question is : How to do things lightly? 

Pondering over this triggers an idea that art lies in the subtle movement of holding fast onto the notion of the goal and creating routine or habit around the intention. This whimsical sequence of words narrates two abreast ideas.

First, intentions made from the head inserts plausibility before feelings–“This is whats best for me”, actually comes from overthinking along with a huge bulk of investment of ego and an extraordinary amount of willpower.

Second, heartfelt intentions that protrude from the heart are attached to soul’s purpose. This result in synchronicity and sense of effortlessness. These require faith in wholeness that we are living the true and best of our soul’s purpose.

Carolyn Myss says that the solar plexus in body is where personal will meets the divine will. This concludes that there is a systemic arrangement in our body where personal will meets the divine will such as the breathing mechanism. The theory of contraction and relaxation of our diaphragm creates a bridge that connects our heart to the head. This is where our soul lightly surfs on the waves of our most heartfelt intentions.

Figure out other points of solar plexus created from intentions surfing into our routines and becoming our habits because we all are in this together.

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Rules of love?

From childhood we are wired in that: “We get what we give”. Maybe that is the sole reason why we are asked to love others so that we are loved in return. After all who doesn’t like to be loved. Subsequently, as we grow up we tend to give love, explore love, feel love, gain love but eventually as years go by we start to understand that love just becomes an ecosystem cycle for us; the more we give, the less percentage we have for the next time when we try to love. Then we realise why people say in indian movies: “Aur pyar, pyar bhi sirf ek he dafa hota hay” – Kal ho na ho (no pun intended) because we love that one person only once to our fully infinite percent. After that one huge love haul our heart once broken curses us to never love anyone this much because maybe we betrayed it pushing it to pour all the love in it to that one person who leaves…It’s more like if heart is a love factory and all it’s machinery works with the efficiency of 100% for just one time, for just one person and stores that particular DNA of that one person’s laughter, fights, spark in those eyes, sacrifices, compromises, pranks, even every goofy act in it’s machinery and never wills to work for anyone else. We make movies on how to fall in love, how to get out of love but none of it is true because what real life love feels like when u fall in love is not by just one look or by the sound of foot steps or by the seductive dressing- it’s when we see someone’s bare soul extended towards us. It is the when the most raw form of expression is felt. It is when the most intense rhythms of pain our accepted by the other soul so it can fix it. Falling in love is sweet as honey, exciting as some roller coaster and adventurous as bungee jumping. Even the pain you feel for the one you love is light as a petal, you don’t care because your heart is soo in to give it all that all it’s pain receptors die. As for getting out of love? Well that is very untrue because love is not attraction or attachment that vanishes in few days or months or even years…love stays…once love conquers your soul it plans to stay forever because no matter how many more angelic souls you meet, deep down it knows how it felt with “THE ONE” and no amount of love or care from anyone else can replace that. Even when people say they fell in love with the wrong person or at the wrong time, there is no such thing because love always happens with the right person at the right time…only when we fail to achieve it then we conclude our false theories and that just to tell the crowd or console your heart but it’s always a futile attempt. Always.

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This too shall pass…

I know it can get hard to understand the places He’s taking your life to, it’s all in His plan to take us to the place where He wants us to be. Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the person you thought would never hurt you. Don’t cry for your loss. Allah has a plan for you. He’s not punishing you…He’s preparing you! Sometimes He has to remove certain things/people from our life because He loves us too much to see us hurt. Allah won’t take anything from a believer without replacing it with something better.

Allah said in the Qur’an, ❝Perhaps you may dislike something which is good for you, and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not.❞ (2:216).

And to all those suffering from sadness or depression, know that it isn’t your fault. It isn’t because you’re weak. It isn’t because you’re just not grateful enough. It isn’t because you’re just not religious enough. It isn’t because you don’t have enough faith. It isn’t because Allah is angry with you. To all the well-meaning people who tell you this, just smile. And know deep in your heart that the tests of Allah come in different forms to different people. And know that, by the help of Allah, every test can become a tool to get closer to Him. And that, verily, with hardship come ease–and like all things of this world–this too shall pass.

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True Happiness lies within you!

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“Sometimes we must undergo hardships, breakups, and narcissistic wounds, which shatter the flattering image that we had of ourselves, in order to discover two truths: that we are not who we thought we were; and that the loss of a cherished pleasure is not necessarily the loss of true happiness and well-being.”

― Jean-Yves Leloup

Our life is a constant journey of joy and suffering and leads through the valley of death. Our current life is temporary and it will end one day for sure but the real life lies behind the curtains of death. We live like we are going to live forever and never die, what a fool is human soul. Making paradise on earth? Considering yourself superior to others and not forgiving the other soul for his mistakes? Who do you think you are? Who created you from soil and put life in your lifeless model of clay? Who forgives you for your bitter sins and yet still loves you? Who is the master of life and death and true happiness? Who has the right to punish and judge? Indeed, Allah Al-mighty and you still think you are superior than Him by not forgiving others? Like you can never go wrong or made any mistake?

Adam and Eve had to encounter the devil — the whispering tempter — who made them suffer to forget a clear commandment of God! As a consequence, they lost Paradise and entered into a life of labor and pain.  But still they retained dominion over all other creatures on the earth and received forgiveness of God.

Allah says in the Holy Quran:

Having hearts wherewith they understand not, and having eyes wherewith they see not.”

We think true happiness is not forgiving others and holding grudges and always reminding them of what they did but that’s not the truth. True happiness lies in forgiving others. Even if you suffered; endure and forgive. If you are not merciful with the creation of God how will He be merciful to you on the Day of Judgment? We think asking for an apology will make us look inferior to the other person or accepting our mistakes will make us unworthy of anyone’s trust but it only makes you stronger. It helps you find your true inner self as you start accepting yourself. It helps you grow.

Rick Warren’s best selling book “ The purpose driven life: What on earth am I here for?” reflects the idea of the presence of human soul on this earth is not to fill in their bank accounts or in pulling other’s legs or trying to make your appearance look better…its in finding the true meaning of your existence and you can only find that by letting go of grudges and being a rainbow in someone else’s cloud. That’s the only only thing that will help you attain true inner peace. By studying Holy Prophet (p.b.u.h), his personal sufferings juxtaposed on his most successful life, and through his practical demonstration of compassion, peace, comfort, service to others, love for all and hatred for none, we find the most shining example in the person of the Most Noble Prophet Muhammad of reconciling the existence of a Compassionate and Loving God and human suffering. (May peace and blessings of God be on him.) It was not merely an intellectual reconciliation, it was a factual and most impressive reconciliation between God and human suffering. the important thing should be is to learn how to handle human sufferings retaining full faith in a loving Allah!

True happiness lies within yourself not in people or worldly things…it lies inside every soul because there is a reflection of God in every soul so before hurting anyone’s feelings or not forgiving others or even blaming someone for something they asked an apology for, just ask yourself once: What will this give you? Will this be fruitful? Will this help you achieve inner peace? How will you face God and ask for His forgiveness when you weren’t kind to His creation? Ponder.

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What satisfies a human soul?

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It’s not too hard to begin anything when you are already in the middle of it. We are in the middle of our lives and still think that everything around us needs an initiation, which isn’t partially true. Although what needs a start is starting over what’s already gone or was never there for you in the first place. Trying to be less philosophical here, what actually satisfies a human soul is not how something begins but how it ends so it’s really for another beginning.
Let me put it this way, we begin to contribute our best for something that can be a job, relationship or even any kind of work and keep doing it so we can reach the state of satisfaction but that satisfaction is not to initiate our work but to give our best until it’s not finished. So what we are actually trying for is a satisfied ending but sometimes giving your best can’t even satisfy a place you’ve been working for. That’s where it ends: when you cannot satisfy a human soul.
On the factual side, human soul can never be satisfied. We were born selfish and evolved to be even more selfish as we keep discovering new things…from fire to clothes and technology we never stopped. There was a cessation of desires and it kept going until today and till the world ends it will. This is who we are but in actual we are not trying to satisfy ourselves but other souls. In short our satisfaction lies in the satisfaction of other souls that we want to please. That can be our boss, our teacher, our friends, our parents, our spouse, our partners or anyone. That is what human soul is working for: to satisfy another soul for his own sake. We can do it by hook or by crook. Whether it takes him to go against his dogmas, culture, religion, beliefs, hurting someone, killing someone, he doesn’t care.
We have become worse than animals and evolved into Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest by brutally slaughtering other beings for our own sake and one day our perfect utopia will raise such generations who won’t be warriors or fighters but satisfiers. Alas! Even this won’t satisfy his soul because only the one Who made it can satisfy it. Indeed.

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The Selfish Gene

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Man is not, by nature, deserving of all that he wants. When we think that we are automatically entitled to something, that is when we start walking all over others to get it.”
― Criss Jami, Diotima, Battery, Electric Personality

This writing piece is especially for those who think world is a wish-granting factory or is a bed of roses.

It’s said that nothing can bring you to peace but yourself.
I didn’t really believe it until it hit me like a lightning. Just incase you are wondering how; its called the trusting and breaking process. Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time there was a bird whose heart was full of merriment and jubilation because she knew the world was a beautiful place and nothing could ever go wrong until one day she went flying to a forest. There she found a sycamore tree. It was the most beautiful tree she had ever seen. She never thought something this beautiful; with sharp heavily protruding branches could ever exist. The tree seemed wild, carefree, shady, fruitful…most of all secure. She was in love with that tree. She trusted that tree would save her from every storm and shade her no matter what. Subsequently, she decided to reside there as she depended on it. One day she was returning home when a hawk came chasing her. She wanted to run and hide so she went to her tree but Alas! The tree was still and selfish. The hawk chased her and ate her. She died.
Pretty depressing and heart-breaking but that’s what life is all about. When we are born we know the closest thing to us is our mother as she feeds us and takes good care of us but as we grow up we forget the cycle of evolution and survival of the fittest. All we know is everyone is like our mother but as people start to hurt and break us, that helps us wire our brains with the human’ selfish gene. In short, this world is a selfish place. From human to every living creature, selfishness prevails. Penguins are selfish because they kick off their penguin partner over the mountain into the ocean just to make sure if there isn’t any seal lingering for them, Female Mantis eats male Mantis during mating, humans kill humans emotionally, physically, financially or in any way just to lead themselves ahead. This is what the cycle is all about but you can’t blame this world or the people because it’s entirely up to you to find your happiness and not depend on people. Don’t give them the power to break you because they will.
It’s just like this, when you love someone, truly love them or friend them or trust them wholeheartedly, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt- in short you hand them the knife with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul.
So whose at fault here? Yes you are! Just because you are honest to someone doesn’t mean they will be the same to you. You don’t know what’s going on in their heads. You expect so much from someone just because you know you will do exactly the same for them. In the nutshell I wont say this world is a evil place to live and quote Sigmund Freud although I truly love his writings and theories but still I think everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go, wrong happens so you can appreciate the right, you believe in lies so you eventually believe to trust no one and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. Even this story I told you have something for everyone because you shouldn’t go on depending on someone or something 100%. Just have faith in yourself and learn from every experience of yours. Don’t even go on taking revenge for what has been done to you because Allah is sufficient to take revenge, indeed. There is a reason why God wants you to have such experiences because He is preparing you to be someone He wants you to be. So feel it, let go and be happy because you learned something :)

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Wasn’t Enough

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Oh dear friend here’s a tale for you,

Listen carefully and you might find a clue,

In cold dark nights when shooting star pierce the sky,

I look up and pray not to cry,

I’m not broke, sweetheart I am dead,

They are two different things you will never understand,

I let my heart and soul out for you,

I did all I could and what did you do?

Oh my darling why wasn’t it enough?

I did all, all easy and tough,

Now I’m just counting my days till I die,

There will always be a note left unsaid,

All those days and all those nights,

I can never forget your laughter and our fights,

Where did I go wrong please come back and explain?

Help me; tell me so I can escape this terrifying pain,

I have cried every night to these sad songs,

Songs that seemed stupid once now mean all,

You’ve left me for the crowd that’s so cool,

That’s because I cared so much and you easily made me a fool,

Oh my darling why wasn’t it enough?

I did all, all easy and tough,

Now I’m just counting my days till I die,

There will always be a note left unsaid,

Do you even miss me when someone calls out my name?

Do you even have what I gave you; the memories or they are just lame?

How can you be so cruel when you always said you loved me more?

I know I’m not that interesting but was I that bore?

I will always pray for your eternal happiness,

Because I’ve lost mine and now I’m dragged to nothingness,

Oh my darling why wasn’t it enough?

I did all, all easy and tough,

Now I’m just counting my days till I die,

There will always be a note left unsaid….

 

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